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The time I met Denzel Washington.


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1 hour ago, EstrangedTWAT said:

For a very brief amount of time in the summer and fall of 2003, I lived in Hollywood, California.

 

 

I was about 25 years old, and completely broke, and directionless.  My much more highly motivated friend from high school had just taken a job there as some designer’s assistant and he was kind enough to let me crash with him.  So I drove cross country to start my big adventure.

 

 

We lived in a room about the size of a college dorm, and slept on air mattresses.  We had no other furniture.  The first few weeks kind of sucked, cause I didn’t have a job.  But it was really awesome for me to actually be in Hollywood for the first time.  I saw a few random celebrities like some of the Wayans brothers.   I saw Zach De La Rocha from Rage.  I saw Giovanni Ribisi at Amoeba Records.  Saw the “fat” kid from the movie The Sandlot eating at a Mexican restaurant, and that ethnic looking guy from No Doubt at an Italian place.   It was also really cool to go to all the famous places I’d seen in movies, but I mostly loved visiting the places from GNR lore like Canter’s, The Rainbow, The Whiskey-a-Go Go and all that shit.

 

 

But my friend was getting pissed.  I needed a JOB.   So, I did what anyone would do back in 2003….scoured Craigslist.   I found something very intriguing….a house in Beverly Hills was looking for a butler.

 

 

I got the interview, and I got the job.  I think they were really surprised that a white guy with a college degree was willing to work a “service” job, and also work for peanuts.  I had no idea what to expect, but it was all thrilling.

 

 

So the house was owned by some guy in his late 30s/early 40s.  Not famous.  Not even in the industry.   Hollywood is full of wannabes, more than any other place I’d ever seen.  There are more wannabes in Hollywood than everywhere else in the world combined.  This guy wanted nothing more in life than to be Hugh Hefner.

 

 

He made his millions in real estate.   Sounds good enough, but later I found out that “real estate” is trailer parks.  This guy and his partner apparently had a monopoly on most of the trailer parks in the US and they made a killing.  But that’s not the kind of thing you wanna brag about in Hollywood.  Millionaire or not, you sound like white trash.  So he proclaimed himself a “real estate magnate.”  I’m not gonna name his name for obvious reasons, but the autists on reddit could find him easily based on what I’ve just said. 

 

 

The house was a big, beautiful mansion in a gated community in Beverly Hills.  Famous neighbors included Rod Stewart, Sylvester Stallone (we could see into his property from the back lawn,) Eddie Murphy, a bunch of rich oil sheiks from Saudi Arabia that only came to their giant mansions like once a year or so…….and Mr. Denzel Washington, just down the street from us.

 

 

There were a number of live-in assistants.  There were two Guatemalan maids, (most likely there illegally) and four young aspiring Hollywood starlets (I don’t know who the third one was, but one of them was a former “girlfriend” of Hugh Hefner’s with giant fake tits, one worked (still works?) as a stand in on Quentin Tarantino movies and got to fuck him a few times, which blew my mind, not cause I wanna fuck Quentin but cause I'm a mega fan.  She even proved it to me by playing a voicemail he left for her.  My jaw hit the floor hearing an actual voice message from THE Quentin Tarantino.  Wish I could have met him.  There was one other girl living there that had some success on reality TV and commercials.  You might recognize her.  I wish I’d gotten a pic with her!)   Nobody ever came out and said it, but I think the starlets and the maids were essentially on call to sleep with the Boss any time he felt like it.

 

There was one last guy that lived there…the full time chef.  I can’t remember his name but he was about 10 or 15 years older than me and was thin and had an enormous nose.  He wasn’t gay, but he loved bitchy gossip.  He was the first guy that told me John Travolta was gay and that Matt Damon and Ben Affleck were raging cokeheads at the time.  I don’t think the Chef was opposed to the occasional “tootski” himself.  He didn’t really get along with the Boss, and was always excited when the Boss was out for the night cause that meant he could take a dip in the pool with no consequences.

 

 

The boss had a few luxury cars…a Lambo and a Ferrari…but his main wheels were this giant Hummer.  He also owned a stretch limousine.

 

 

My job was to drive the limousine, despite the fact that I didn’t have a special license for it.  That thing was scary as shit.  Ever drive something two or three times as long as a normal car?  Making turns was scary as hell.

 

 

So anyway, the Boss’s goal was to bang as many hot chicks as possible, and also to throw wild Hollywood parties.  He wanted his mansion to rival the Playboy mansion.

 

 

My main duties were helping the maids tidy things up, and then to take the limo out and pick up the Boss’s date for the night.  I’d take her back to the house, Chef would cook something nice, and I’d serve the dishes, all formal like.  Then he usually took the date upstairs.  If she didn’t end up staying, I’d drive her home in the limo.

 

 

He also rented the house out for Playboy shoots.  Can you imagine going to work and there’s an honest to God Playboy bunny with her gorgeous tits hanging out, sitting in the fountain in front of the house, and you have to just pretend it’s business as usual and not stare??  Not an easy thing to do.

 

 

So he’d usually have a different chick over every night.  Hey, good for him….he was getting tons of pussy.  But I have no doubt he was paying good money for each of them.  He wasn’t a bad looking dude at all…kinda looked like Michael Bay actually.  But he was a nobody.   All he wanted was fame to go with his fortune and he just couldn’t get it.

 

 

One night we threw a big, big party.  Some other guys were hired to help tend bar.  They were my age, and we were all goofing off and checking out all the Hollywood whores that were attending.  What a fucking crazy experience.  I’m from goddamn Ohio, and here I am in the Hollywood Hills, “working” at a party full of scantily clad models.  The only celebrity that was there was the guy from Backstreet Boys with that faggy pencil mustache, and we later found out it wasn’t even him!  It was a look-alike that would go around town pretending to be him to crash parties and bangs broads!  I was downing as many drinks as I was serving, so I was good and shit-faced by the end of the party.  That….was a crazy night.

 

 

The Boss seemed sullen though.  His dreams of being a big shot just weren’t happening.

 

 

About a week later, some other wannabe sleazebag came over to the house.  This guy’s thing was black chicks.  He was a dirty old white guy but there was nothing he loved more than young black girls.  So he brought about five black chicks with him, all young, decent bodies, wannabe models.  It was supposed to be a big party, but nobody turned up.  Just old sleazebag and his black “models."

The Boss was sullen again.

 

 

Suddenly there was a buzz through the air.  Something was happening.  The air was electric.

 

 

“He’s here.  Denzel is HERE.”   The Chef could barely contain his excitement.

 

 

I was instructed to give Mr. Washington a glass of red wine.  Normally, we only used plastic wine glasses for outside, just in case someone dropped one by the pool, but this was Denzel Fucking Washington, and he deserves a real GLASS wine glass.

 

 

I put the glass on the serving tray and tried to look calm, like seeing Oscar winners was something I do every day. 


I went out the door to the back yard of the mansion, and there he was.  Denzel Washington.  He was sitting in the grass, playing with the tiny little poodle that was either the Boss’s or one of the girls', I can’t remember.

 

 

He was wearing jeans, and a rumpled plain white undershirt.  He had several days’ worth of stubble, and he was barefoot.  No socks, no shoes.  As I gave him his wine, I said something like “Here you are, sir” or maybe I said nothing at all.  I didn’t want to break protocol.  Stay calm, cool, collected.  Professional.  (Side note: they told me later that ALL the servants at Denzel’s house were white.  Interesting.)

 

 

He took the wine and I noticed instantly….this guy is fucked up.  He’s either drunk or high or something, but he’s clearly FUCKED UP.

 

 

I don’t think he even drank the wine; I think he just immediately spilled it and dropped the glass.  Thankfully it didn’t break.

 

 

I didn’t want to hover so I went back into the kitchen.  I have no idea what Denzel was up to…I think the Boss was showing him around, but I’m sure Denzel couldn’t care less…the black models were of far more interest.

 

 

Not long after the Chef came in with the biggest shit eating grin I’d ever seen. 

“Did you see what happened?”

“No, what?”

“Denzel is fucking one of the chicks right out there on the tennis court.  I didn’t see it but I could hear the slap-slap-slap-slap!”

 

 

Holy shit this was crazy.  I felt like I was in a movie.  This was possibly weirder than the night I met Axl Rose.

 

 

I remember talking to one of the girls then.  She told me she was disappointed that Denzel was doing that with some whore, cause she had always respected him as a family man.  And she respected him even more cause apparently his wife was pretty dark-skinned like she was, and as a proud African-American woman that was something she looked up to.  I felt bad for her.  She seemed so sweet and was suddenly thrust into an ugly world.

 

 

Well, the night wore on, and as exciting as it was to bear witness to Denzel cheating on his wife on a tennis court, my shift was over and I wanted to go.

 

 

The Boss told me that one of the girls wanted to leave and told me to drive her home on my way out.  I expected it to be the sad girl from before, but it wasn’t.  It was a different black chick, who seemed like she was having a lot of fun earlier.

 

 

On the way out, I saw a car I didn’t recognize next to the fountain in front of the house.  Forgive me for not remembering the brand, but it was definitely a luxury vehicle.  It was Denzel’s.  Apparently he had actually driven over, all fucked up, and barefoot.  I don’t even know how he found out about the “party” in the first place, but the Boss was elated.  FINALLY Hollywood royalty was in his house!!

 

 

I took the girl home and she really surprised me.  “I don’t care how famous he is, I’m not a whore.  That’s not what I’m here for.”  I actually ended up going on a date with her a few weeks later, and being a young and inexperienced guy, I completely blew it and failed to seal the deal.  God I’m dumb.  But hey, Denzel didn’t get to bang her either.

 

 

The next day I heard the rest of the story.  Denzel banged the first chick twice, once in the guest house and once on the tennis court, and then he spent the night in the main house with two OTHER girls.  And guess who one of them was?  Yep.  The “proud” dark-skinned girl.  Guess she wasn’t too proud to spend all night having a threesome with a living legend like Denzel Washington.

 

 

Apparently Denzel stumbled off in the morning, never to be seen again.  The Chef had his shit eating grin again.

“He’s never coming back here.  He fucked up last night and he knew it.  He’s too smart to risk everything by getting caught being that stupid again.”

 

 

It was such a wild night…we hosted one of the most famous actors in the world!  He slept at the house banging broads all night!  He might have even got his Oscar-winning jizz on the tennis court!   

But it didn’t matter.  The Boss was sullen again.  He still wasn’t Hugh Hefner.  He wasn’t even Larry Flynt.  He was a nobody, and he knew it.

 

Not long after that, my buddy quit his job and flew to Europe to marry his girlfriend, which also turned out to be a huge mistake, but that’s not my story to tell.  Without a free place to crash, I decided to move on.   I don’t think I was cut out for Hollywood.  I’m too naïve and Midwestern to ever make it there.  But damn, what a hell of an experience I got to have.  Playboy models and philandering movie stars, limousines….I even got to drive the Hummer once!

No, not really.  I just backed it out of the garage and re-parked it.   But I was driving.  Does that count?


please

 

please

 

please

 

 

pleaseeeee

 

tell me that in your whole time as a bell boy for a rich cunt, you managed to fuck some Hollywood slut, at least finger bang her, fuck, tell me you at least sucked on 1 tit or sniffed one botoxed coke porn actress wannna be’s asshole? If not I’m done, that will be too sad to hear so don’t tell me if you didn’t get as much as your Dick being blown while you drove the limo cause I’ll dead set lose my fucking shit at you, I will come to Japan and bitch slap you for missing such a god given opportunity, fucking hell, Jesus Christ himself will send His mother, Virgin Mary down time cast her disappointment to your face!

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1 hour ago, EstrangedTWAT said:

My friend.   Oh, how I wish I could say yes, but sadly....no. 

 

Unlike Denzel, I did NOT have game.

 

I was so fucking inept when it came to women back then.  I thought all I had to do was be a "reaaallllly nice guy" and the girls would see what an amazing and nice guy I was, and want to be with me.

 

I'd love to beat 25 year old me within an inch of his life.

 

Sweet baby jesus....if I had known then, what I know now.   Nope.  Fucking hell....I was too much of a suburban Ohio pussy to take advantage of all that sin and flesh around me.  It was a thrill just being around it, but I had no idea how to participate.  I didn't know that if you want something, you fucking MAKE IT HAPPEN, you don't just sit there smiling really politely waiting for something to happen.

 

Like I said....I took the girl that refused to fuck Denzel on a date.  Took her out to eat, paid, took her home, went up to her room.   I was thinking "holy shit I'm gonna have sex with a black chick for the first time!"   We even made out.  And then.....like a lightswitch was flipped.   She lost all interest.   Just said "Well....see you later."  I was stunned...what did I do?

Now I know.   It's what I DIDN'T do.  I didn't grab her and take charge and fuck her like a man.  I sat there waiting for stuff to happen like a little boy.

 

Yes, it's painful as hell to think back on the opportunities I missed, but at least I learned from them.



I know you're angry....but believe me....I'm angrier at myself.

 

Don't be too hard on yourself ET, some things happen for a reason.

 

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It sounds as if you met the Denzel from Flight. 
 

Thanks for typing all of that up for us! It was a very enjoyable read. That was quite the adventure. Funny how women who talk as if they are morally superior usually turn out to be the biggest whores. You knew that chick was jealous because she wasn’t the one that Denzel picked to fuck on the tennis court. Was there a lot of blow at these parties your boss had? First you get the blow. Then you get the blow job from the chick with the blow up tits. Eventually you blow your wad, literally and figuratively. And then the story ends with you blowing your brains out all over the bedroom wall. It is a story as old as Hollywood itself. 

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10 hours ago, EstrangedTWAT said:

My friend.   Oh, how I wish I could say yes, but sadly....no. 

 

Unlike Denzel, I did NOT have game.

 

I was so fucking inept when it came to women back then.  I thought all I had to do was be a "reaaallllly nice guy" and the girls would see what an amazing and nice guy I was, and want to be with me.

 

I'd love to beat 25 year old me within an inch of his life.

 

Sweet baby jesus....if I had known then, what I know now.   Nope.  Fucking hell....I was too much of a suburban Ohio pussy to take advantage of all that sin and flesh around me.  It was a thrill just being around it, but I had no idea how to participate.  I didn't know that if you want something, you fucking MAKE IT HAPPEN, you don't just sit there smiling really politely waiting for something to happen.

 

Like I said....I took the girl that refused to fuck Denzel on a date.  Took her out to eat, paid, took her home, went up to her room.   I was thinking "holy shit I'm gonna have sex with a black chick for the first time!"   We even made out.  And then.....like a lightswitch was flipped.   She lost all interest.   Just said "Well....see you later."  I was stunned...what did I do?

Now I know.   It's what I DIDN'T do.  I didn't grab her and take charge and fuck her like a man.  I sat there waiting for stuff to happen like a little boy.

 

Yes, it's painful as hell to think back on the opportunities I missed, but at least I learned from them.



I know you're angry....but believe me....I'm angrier at myself.

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3 minutes ago, EstrangedTWAT said:

I know, man.....I know.    One of many, many chicks I could have banged if I just had a little fucking game and wisdom when I needed them the most.    Siiiiiighhhh.

 

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If it makes you feel better, you’re one of the privileged males to ever hear the sound of an ass getting slapped from behind by the man himself, I guess that counts for something.

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1 minute ago, arnold layne said:

Yep. I was going to do some hookers and blow and kill myself. It is true. 

You are in good company. Charlie Sheen’s first time was with a prostitute. She gave him crabs. Charlie’s second time was with his High School girlfriend. She gave him a baby. Lesson learned: things can always go from bad to worse. You gotta have a sense of humour if you are going to last long in this world.  

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