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Ironfin

Hero fireman rescues fat burd from wildfires

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I came across this interesting news story from a local paper in Malibu.
 

- It was around 6am when the call came in from Malibu said Fire Marshall Rick Donefor, “I didn’t understand a word of what the caller was saying, it sounded like someone had taught a pigeon to talk, so I traced the call to an address in Malibu. When we arrived it was the weirdest thing, there were 200 panicked and malnourished Brazilians running around this massive garden. They were moving thousands of toy trucks and hundreds of bags of lard into taliban style pick up trucks. I thought if the wildfires light the lard bags we’re done for. 

I heard what sounded like a wheezing Minnie Mouse and then I could not believe what I saw, around 15 Brazilians wearing nanny costumes were trying to carry this massively obese old lady down the driveway but they couldn’t fit her in the back of the pick up truck. At this point I radio’d for backup. I took one look at the old lady and I thought man she’s super combustible, if her fat ass catches fire this thing will spread to Canada. 30 minutes later the most powerful aerial crane in the world arrived and we managed to attach the old lady to its winch. As the old lady rose off the ground she kept shrieking “crazy” and “jungle” again and again. Soon the fat helium induced banshee was swinging across the sky and these crazy Brazilians were holding on to the helicopter winch rails. As the chopper headed towards the ocean, Brazilians were falling from the sky as they lost their grip. It was like a fucking horror movie but with a happy ending. Around 30 minutes later the old lady seemed happy as she was dropped into the ocean and immediately started communicating with whales.

Edited by Ironfin
Missed out a word

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2 hours ago, Ironfin said:

I came across this interesting news story from a local paper in Malibu.
 

- It was around 6am when the call came in from Malibu said Fire Marshall Rick Donefor, “I didn’t understand a word of what the caller was saying, it sounded like someone had taught a pigeon to talk, so I traced the call to an address in Malibu. When we arrived it was the weirdest thing, there were 200 panicked and malnourished Brazilians running around this massive garden. They were moving thousands of toy trucks and hundreds of bags of lard into taliban style pick up trucks. I thought if the wildfires light the lard bags we’re done for. 

I heard what sounded like a wheezing Minnie Mouse and then I could not believe what I saw, around 15 Brazilians wearing nanny costumes were trying to carry this massively obese old lady down the driveway but they couldn’t fit her in the back of the pick up truck. At this point I radio’d for backup. I took one look at the old lady and I thought man she’s super combustible, if her fat ass catches fire this thing will spread to Canada. 30 minutes later the most powerful aerial crane in the world arrived and we managed to attach the old lady to its winch. As the old lady rose off the ground she kept shrieking “crazy” and “jungle” again and again. Soon the fat helium induced banshee was swinging across the sky and these crazy Brazilians were holding on to the helicopter winch rails. As the chopper headed towards the ocean, Brazilians were falling from the sky as they lost their grip. It was like a fucking horror movie but with a happy ending. Around 30 minutes later the old lady seemed happy as she was dropped into the ocean and immediately started communicating with whales.

Later the carcass washed up somewhere near Oregon where the mayor decided to blow it up with dynamite. 

 

Little did he realise that flaming lumps of molten lard would set fire to the surrounding area. 

 

 

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