Let's put jokes aside for a minute, my man.
I miss you. Do you remember the years and years of hilarious burns I provided you before I even knew you were my biggest fan? Do you remember that fateful day on that weird Swedish forum when you admitted your feelings for me? And then there was my love letter into the abyss, the first "Dear Fermanager" letter. I posted it on the LGBTQ Canada forum, as was appropriate, but I assumed that I'd never hear from you. While you were amused by my forum shenanigans, surely you didn't yearn like I yearned to take turns enjoying each other's long posts. But you came. And then, for the first time, we came together. Nothing would ever be the same.
We frolicked for days, inviting everyone to join in. It was glorious. But then we had our first fight, which turned out to be our last fight. You called me a hater and I told you to go fuck yourself. I knew I would soon be the sacrificial lamb, because, as we know, gay Canadians are partial to Brazilian men. They feared I'd drive you away, so they panicked. One night, they broke into my profile room, wrapped me in pink ribbon, placed me in a little gay boat, and set me to sea.
I don't have the strength to continue the story until I hear from my Dear Fermanager. Please bring him to me. I am eager to express myself all over the thread.